What's your shoe hunt?

So just a short one today....about the everlasting love and grace of God which isn't complicated anyway so it fits :-)

We have been in the throws of wedding season recently with Bogdan's youngest brother getting married to his sweetheart and all the stress/joy/busyness that comes with that. It came to the civil ceremony (a few days before the church service) and I realised Sophia didnt have a suitable pair of shoes to wear as she seems to be growing at quite a rapid pace recently (how inconvenient). She got by with some old ones she but then comes the task of buying new shoes, an overall horrific experience, and I am sure anyone with children of any age will agree with me.

Anyway after traipsing (with Sophia) around numerous shops, which either seem to believe it is reasonable to charge adult shoe prices for kiddie shoes with sparkles on, or sold shoes which looked like they would break in 2.5 minutes, I gave up. At least I found out her new shoe size. It's 8 if you're interested.

For Bogdan's other brother's wedding last year Sophia wore beautiful golden and silver Monsoon 'heels' that I found on ebay. I bid for them and won and my sister-in-law brought them over when they came. They fit like a glove and she adored them. A rare find for my little Cinderella. I had hoped they would have been good for this wedding too but it was a long shot and sure enough they were too small. When Sophia tried them on and they didn't fit she said 'Oh no Mummy, I'm the ugly step-sister...' hahaha. Poor poppet. She loved them. Oh well...a day before this next wedding the hunt continued. This time, alone. Armed with the size 8 information I wasn't holding out much hope feeling like I had already scoured the city. I may also have not had much hope because I had been particularly grumpy that day. Ever feel like that? I heard someone say that for women in general (not to be sexist but...) when one light bulb 'breaks' then all the lights go out. It's like one thing affects another which knocks onto another etc. Well I had had a bad day. I was grumpy. I had been snappy to my husband (probably the first time ever since we have been married....no...wait...that's a lie.....second time...) and I wasnt feeling into shoe shopping. It's always a drag when you are trying to find something specific as well. No one likes a shoe hunt the day before a wedding. No one. 

Knowing is better than feeling

Hello again, thank you so much for stopping by! I feel so warm and fuzzy inside knowing that you took some time to spend reading my thoughts :-)

So here's a thought. Have you ever felt like your heart and your head just won't get with the program?? Like they aren't on the same wave length? I liken it to a old married couple who bicker all the time. They just won't listen to each other and see things from the other persons point of view! They try to maintain that their way is the best way to go and fight tooth and nail to get their point across. Listening to people bicker is irritating at best when you know that if they would simply lay down their ego they would be so much happier. Is that not what it is like when we face a situation and our hearts are saying one thing and our heads say another? They seem to be in complete conflict with each other and you can't get either of them to just let up and see things from the other's point of view!

Don't get me wrong, it isn't all old married couples that bicker! I feel there is a lot to learn from those who don't because they seem to have cracked it. Of course they aren't perfect people, so how do they make it work? They have nailed what it means to love each other so much that you work to each other's strengths and work around and through the weaknesses. Me and Bogdan have been married nearly 9 years (WOW! I feel old...) and things that used to really frustrate me about him I have found in fact that we can use them to our advantage as a couple and (from what he says) its the same with me too. We work to each other's advantages. Leave the weaknesses for another day. Theoretically ;-)

You see, the head is good in lot of situations. For example if you need to perform CPR on someone then it is good to have had training in that area so you are able to apply it in a time of need. The heart wouldnt be much good in this situation. However the heart is also wonderful in many situation such as after you give birth. Listening to your heart is the thing that convinces you to take your baby home despite the pain it caused you because you better believe your head aint got no clue how to grow a human. But you love it and cant explain why. It's yours. So you put it in the car.

Some say that the heart is to do with feelings and the head (or the mind) is all about knowing but that's not quite right really. We can both feel and know in our heart and both feel and know in our mind and so how can we be truely sure of what we 'know'?! Knowing is better than feeling. Why? Because sometimes, only sometimes, the mind and the heart are in conflict, both want to guide you and lead you and it's then that you need to revert to what you KNOW. True knowledge doesnt come from the head OR the heart. It comes from your spirit and what youhave trained yourself to believe to be true despite your feelings. Our real battle was never really between our heart and our head. The true battle is between what you know and what you feel. Without it we can be under the influence of a lie, be it in our head or in our heart if we havent filled both our head and our heart with the truth.
That truth is the word of God.

There have been times in my life when the devil has tried to torment me using my emotions and my feelings about a person or a situation. Hey, who am I kidding, it happens on an almost daily basis. Is that just me? A while ago I would have said that those feelings and those emotions were destroying me. I would have said that those feelings were the truth and all anyone else would say was a lie because what I felt was so overwhelming and so 'real'. A while ago I didnt know that it was the devil trying to steal my joy, keep me in a box when in fact it was HIM that was afraid of ME. When you are a new Christian God allows you in His grace to revel in joy and the newness of feeling His presence and experiencing His touch. That stuff doesnt go away - or at least it should never go away - but our Christian walk develops. Much like a baby learning to walk. We rejoice in every little step and when he falls we say 'Never mind! Up you get again!' but when they are 5 years old and still wobbling when they walk we'd say there was a problem. There are certain behaviours we would expect from a 5 year old child that we wouldn't expect of a newborn baby. Later on in our Christian walk, God expects us to have been through situations which have tested our faith and required discipline to maintain our walk despite feeling like we couldnt go on or not feeling his presence. The Bible says we live by faith not by sight (not by feelings!). We need a foundation of things that we know to be true so that when we feel something opposite (be it in our heart, gut, mind or bones!) we can come against it with the truth. I have linked up a site with biblical promises that are yours and that you can (and must) declare over your feelings, every day if necessary, until it really sinks in. That's what I did. That's what I DO. The devil used scripture to tempt Jesus in the wilderness yet Jesus knew truth and quoted it back despite His feelings.
My absolute favourite feelings/emotions/devil basher scripture is 'God has not given me a spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind.' Oooo I know I'm not the only one who could do with a sound mind!

So I just want to encourage you to please check that what you feel lines up with the Truth. The Truth is alive and His name is Jesus. He calls you beloved. He calls you chosen. He calls you valuable. He calls you FREE! That is what you should know. Tell your feelings to get in line with the word of God because when they do you will be UNSTOPPABLE! (and that's what scares the devil the most...)

Talking essentials

All across the internet there are countless blogs and websites and video clips that talk about the essentials of this or that. The top 10 essential things you need to raise a baby well, among which are state of the art baby moniters, changing bags worth hundreds and nappies that tell you in a soft British accent when they are ready to be changed(!). Please. Essentials?! The 5 essential things you need to communicate to your husband every day. Ok, don't get me wrong, these can be very good and helpful and edifying and so on. However they can also be unattainable standards that we set up for ourselves. I dont have the money for those 10 essential things so I am going to be the worst mother in the world! An obvious conclusion... Or I didnt manage to tell my husband I love him, I respect him, I appreciate him, I like him and I desire him today so I must be a complete failure as a wife. (See how I subtly slipped in what I think the 5 essential things to communicate to your husband? Smooth).

The actual definition of 'essential' is something absolutely necessary or extremely important. It means something so important as to be indespensible. Last post I wrote about our basic needs and how we really dont need very many things at all in order to survive or indeed thrive. The essential list is pretty minimal. Aside from the obvious basics like food, water, shelter etc (and that's pretty much it) there is one essential thing that we cannot survive without, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I said I had discovered what I really cannot live without. The answer is LOVE. We are all hard-wired to love and be loved in return and without this basic need then we really have no way of finding joy in our lives. Babies who do not recieve love in the first 6 months suffer health problems and can even die from a lack of human affection/contact and this is even when they are provided with nutrition and shelter. Amazing! On the days when we had little to no money but chose love, those were the days that were the most joyful of all. I have also had days when I have had plenty and have not walked in love and it has not been a good day, for me and those around me!

When we look further at the definition, it says 'essential' implies something belonging to the very nature of a thing and therefore being incapable of removal without destroying the thing itself or its character. Is that not love?! God is love and we are created in His image. It is essential! Without love we cannot be who we were created to be. The old testeament rarely speaks of the word 'love' without preceeding it with endless, limitless, unfailing or eternal. The new testament tells us that we are to live by love. There is no other way to live. John 15 talks of Jesus as the vine. We choose to abide (live) in Him and His love and as we grow with our roots in Him, the resulting fruit will be... love!

Love is such a huge subject and something God is really speaking to me about at the moment but basically, I want to prove that God loves people because I love them. I want to personify love because it is who I was created to be. I love because He first loved me.

This is love essential and without it I cannot live.

To share or not to share....that is the question

Sitting at my dining room table last week, in my usual spot, at the usual time (which is no particular time but whenever Sophia sleeps in the afternoon...if she does at all) I was thinking. I really like thinking. Well, I both love it and despise it at the same time.

I love it because its just time to get my

thoughts in order and bring clarity to things I may have been thinking about for a while. I usually have a notepad and my Bible with me and I just note down what I feel God is saying to me about those thoughts. I also despise thinking though because I tend to over think! I think so much that if I let my thoughts wander away by themselves they usually come back all crazy and I have to get them in line again. Just me? ...Thought so ;-)

So, I have certainly learnt a lot of lessons whilst going though this period of waiting. Here, sitting at my thinking table, I have come to many conclusions, often to questions I wasn't even asking in the first place. I have also found many more questions that have yet to find their answer. I sit here and wonder if it is right the share them here and now. I am not sure. In sharing lessons learnt you open yourself up to writing all about what you were struggling with before. It isn't the same as saying "Hey! This one time I put plain flour in a cake rather than self raising and I realised I should have just followed the recipe because it didn't rise...lesson learnt!" 
The lessons I'm talking about have changed me as a person. It's hard for a coleric personality like myself to say "Can you believe I used to think this way?....Thank God I don't anymore" One thing is to be humble enough to allow yourself to be changed by a difficult event or situation but it's a whole other ball game to blog about it!

I have decided to share one little lesson to get us started, and we'll see where we go from there. Opening the floodgates! It may be the simplest lesson of all but I think it is one of the most profoud and has by far changed my outlook on life as I know it.

My definition of 'need' has been transformed.

Living in various living conditions with varying degrees of comfort surrounded by various different people (and varying spiritual atmospheres to contend with - perhaps more on that at another time) I have come to the conclusion that there are very few things that I actually 'need'. I would hear friends who would be having a new kitchen fitted and who were upset that the tiles they wanted were not in stock say "I need the pale pink marble ones" ... I would think "No you don't need them. You want them. I dont even have a house". I had friends who were upset they couldn't go on holiday (that year) remarking "I need a holiday". I would think..."No you don't. You want one. In all our married life we have only ever been on holiday on our honeymoon"(that's 8 years and 7 months in case anyone is counting!)

Please don't get me wrong, this is not a judgement of my friends who were each expressing their own needs at the time, however significant or otherwise they were to me, and perhaps them, at the time. It was certainly a matter of semantics which just highlights to me how we have come to use the word 'need' so flippantly in society. I knew my needs and they were pretty basic. Our own place to rest our head at night where we weren't told what to do, where people didnt get upset with you for leaving a dish on the side over night, where we could pray out loud and not disturb anyone and where we could call 'home'.

I have realised that I don't 'need' a washing machine because there are lovely friends and family who would allow us to borrow theirs. I dont 'need' a bed because an old matress will do. I dont 'need' a toaster, a kettle, a blender, a microwave, a coffee-maker, a TV, the internet, because, well, who does?! In all our years of homelessness, which is what it was because we didnt have a place to call home, I have realised that we can get by with a limited amount of things and with those few things we can in fact flourish, and without them we can die. Now we are in our house and I find myself saying "I need a wardrobe!" or "I need a plug socket here by the bed" and of course I don't, but I have perhaps forgotten what place of need I (we) have come from. Already. However, it only takes a moment of contemplation to remember how these past years have taught me what true need means and I am thankful for the lesson. When I can be tempted to feel put out by what I do not have, I recall those times of getting by (which have not entirely passed!) and bring my needs and wants into perspective.

"What do you need then?" I hear you cry. I heard it. Honest. What are the things that you need to flourish that without them you could die?! Well, in there past few years of moving from pillar to post I have found that my only need in this whole world is to be found in love.

Explanation to come in the next post...

Journey so far...

So just wanted to update our friends briefly about where we are up to with the house!

Mum came so we were all systems go with getting things ready for her coming and seeing our little hilltop cottage. When she was here she helped us out so much with arranging things and cleaning things we hadn't had time to clean. Don't you just love Mums!! Lord knows I love mine.

We still have the bathroom to finish and have next to no furniture, also the kitchen is next (after another 50+ things) on the list! So not finished but well on our way and excited to have friends coming in September which is another incentive to complete more! Great tip if you want to get things done for your house, invite guests! You have no choice but to get things done!

I really feel like sharing with you some of the lessons that God has brought me through recently and some things that I feel He has impressed upon my heart to share. I can't wait to get them down in writing!! Right now Little Curly Top will not allow it as we HAVE TO watch alphablocks and paint salt dough hands but next post will be a deep one I assure you haha....prepare yourselves!

Thanks for checking in and seeing what we are up to!
Rebecca xxx