How To Always Make The Best Decisions

Hello! I know I said I would blog every other wednesday but with me being an eternal procrastinator and coupled with being extremely forgetful, well, I forgot...

As most of you know I am 6 months pregnant and this pregnancy has been slightly harder than the first. I have simply been a lot more tired. Looking after a 3-4 year old as well as carrying another human around means that you cannot nap when you want to or eat what you want or basically have the freedom to listen to your body and go with the flow. I wouldn't change it for the world though...she is my little buddy who is always happy to see my bump each day like it's the first time! She reminds me to be thankful :-)

However, I have returned with a plethora of subjects to write about that have been milling around my consciousness for months, some more thoughtful, spiritual and others more fun and humorous, and I cannot wait to get started!

So, we have group of people that meets at our place every wednesday evening. The are mainly our friends and some are friends of friends. We munch on snacks and intentionally discuss the meaning of life. I love our group. At one group this guy had a question, and needed some help...I gave him some advice which may be of use to one of you too. In fact I know it will....

He was having a terrible time with his mum. Like, really, really bad. She literally makes his life hell living at home. He is in his early 20s traveling back and forth to university, but the details don't matter. What mattered was his attitude. His reactions towards his overbearing and meany mum.

Now, do you ever find yourself giving advice and as it is coming out of your mouth you think...."How do I know that?!" or "I really think I'm talking to myself here!" I also occassionally realise that advice I am giving would not have come from my mouth a few weeks or months previously. I can often recall a situation I went through where I learnt something about myself, about God, about people and I became a better person for it. I feel each problem should be seen as a potential. Potential for bettering ourselves. Potential for God to show up and do something amazing! I digress...

He was really angry with his mother and we even found him saying things like "You know if I found out tomorrow that my parents were dead I wouldn't even cry, I wouldn't care." Ok now that's scary. There is no love there at all. No heart. No relationship. He said he was going to leave and get his own place (something he should have done when he left for uni anyway in my opinion). He talked about running away. He mentioned really telling his mum how she has made him feel but in an explosive and verbal attack rather than in a way that could bring resolution.

We knew it was right for him to move out from what we heard. Both were tired of each other and it would be what would save their relationship. At one point, however, I found myself turning to him and saying "If you move out of the house in anger, it's the wrong decision. If you move out in love, it's the right one, even though the end result is the same" I went on to tell him that when making right decisions, what matters is your heart and the reasons behind our decision making and very rarely the decision itself. Sounds bizarre right? Read on...

You see, when your heart is right towards the situation or the other person, then whether the decision you end up making doesn't work out it's still the best decision because you can still learn from it and you did your absolute best. NOTHING good comes from making decisions from anger or fear or hate. There is never anything to win there. All you are left with is mess to clear up. Believe me, I know, I've been there. If you know you need to confront someone and it is the right thing to do then make sure it is from a place of peace. If you hate them and you are angry, then even though

confronting them about their behaviour is the right thing to do, you shouldn't do it. Wait until you are at peace and can be calm. Your heart needs to be right. I told him that if I was in his shoes I would pray to have God's heart for my mother. It doesn't mean she will change, it doesn't mean that she will stop her behaviour (although that would be good too) but he will have made the decision from a place of peace, and that's the safest place to make decisions from.

Ok, now I'm not saying if you are at peace with killing someone then the consequences don't matter...I think you know I don't mean that :-) I am also not saying that the heart is where we make decisions from. However when we have a right heart then we can trust our mind, logic and emotions to make the best decision possible.

So in short, if your heart is in the right place then your decisions will be the best you can make. Maybe not right or the most suitable in the long run because hindsight is a great thing, but aren't we all learning anyway? You can say you did your best at the time with what you knew at the time and with your heart in the right place.

May you all go on to make excellent decisions with healthy, peaceful hearts!

The One Website I Am Addicted To That Is Ruining My Parenting: Confessions

Hello!

I am aiming to post every other Wednesday because I said I would so ... however we have been travelling so much and then recovering that I haven't been able to. Here it is, one day late, I do hope you will forgive me ;-)

Tuesday we travelled from Romania to England to my parents house, which door to door is a 16 hour journey. It was just me and my little fluffy head (4 year old daughter) and we had a lovely little time together. It dragged so much and there was a lot of waiting around but she did so well and I was so proud of her. She said she was proud of me too and I did really well haha. Bless. It is so lovely to be here in England at my parents for a little break and fluffy head is completely in her element here! We missed everyone so much!

Ok, well, back to the post. Short and sweet this week because it's just a thought really. Something I was musing recently. I do like to muse! Something that I believe a lot of people have said but perhaps not publically. I have to admit, I am addicted to a website that affects my marriage, household, faith, health, personal life, diet but mainly my parenting. I have a love/hate relationship with it and today I am here to confess. Please don't judge. Promise? ...

It's......Pinterest.

Oh, I'm sorry, what were you expecting it to be?!

Anti-climax perhaps, but it's true. Now, I am pretty sure that's not the purpose of the site. I am also sure that it improves many people's lives. I can say that it has improved some areas of mine and given me great ideas for recipes and other little DIY hacks around the house. However, in terms of parenting I believe it really is doing more harm than good. That is if I am not very, very careful. Let me explain...

Let's start with those 'Essentials' posts. For example, '10 essential baby products I couldn't live without'. I mean, I know these types of titles draw the reader, and that is the goal of any blogger in all honesty, but I disagree with most 'essential' posts anyway. Who defines essential?! A £150 steriliser wasn't essential in raising my first child, nor a £189 bouncer with chirpy noises and vibrations and a £49 swaddle cloth (which without your baby probably will never sleep...ever...apparently). They completely make you feel like if you don't have them then you will be a terrible parent and everything will go to pot. It wont. Trust me.

What really is essential in raising a child? I would say love. Probably nappies and clothes are important too. Prams can be bought cheap as chips from ebay and maybe you need a car seat if you will be travelling. That, my friends, really is pretty much it.

Another of my frustrations with some articles on Pinterest is the contradictory advice. For example: '5 reasons you should tell your child NO!' .... '10 reasons we should find NO alternatives.'
Oh please! Just use your common sense! Of course I understand there is some psychology that goes into a lot of these articles and many of them are written by academics, doctors and health care professionals who do have reasons for what they say. However, I would prefer to click on an article that talks about 'Reasons I don't know what I am doing but this seemed to work one time'...It's honest. Probably written by a real life parent who is speaking from experience not theory. I just think these articles can cause parents more confusion than good. They do for me anyway. We need a bit of wiggle room. A bit of open ended advice and room to make mistakes. 'Do what suits you as long as it isn't dangerous' would be my perfect parenting advice!

Finally, I admit I have found great ideas for things to do with Sophia in our free time and lots of

freebies like printables etc. However, if I spend too much time looking through these blogs and articles I just get demoralised and feel that I literally am not spending enough time with my daughter. Mummy-guilt sets it. A feeling ALL mummies know only too well. Of course the purpose of these mummies posting what they post is to help other mummies have ideas and provide inspiration for their own families and I am not bashing them. I just think that when I personally spend too much time looking through what they do, it ruins my own parenting and I become dissatisfied with how I am doing things, even if what I am doing is working for us.

On the other hand, I must say that I will continue to visit the site for inspiration and simply take the posts with a pinch of salt. All parents can do with advice, tips and support for different stages of our children's life and some things have been a revelation to me. I have found great ideas for things to do with Sophia when I have been really stuck for new things to do. However, if I am not careful, it can risk ruining my parenting. Parenting is hard enough without adding to the pressure!

Marriage Myths That You Probably Believe

Hello again!

2 whole weeks have passed since I last wrote and I was getting withdrawal symptoms. Thank you so much for all the love for my last post! My goodness I feel so honoured that so many of you would read it and give me such great feedback! You guys are wonderful and I am amazed that you love reading my ramblings about life, love and purpose just as much as I love writing them.

So I probably shouldn't post about marriage yet as I am just introducing myself more seriously into the blogosphere and it's quite a personal and deep topic. However, I have also never been one to be bothered about doing what's normally done, be it the social media blogging norm or not. So here goes...

Now (arguably) I may not be a marriage 'expert', but I must open up about a few things that qualify me to talk about this subject. Firstly, we have been married for 10 years this year...woop woop!! I feel when you are in double figures thats when you really feel married and like you have learned a thing or two during your time together so far. At least you better hope you have! Up until then you are just basically in a constant state of shock..."WTH??... did he really just dip his salty chips into his
strawberry milkshake?!....ok I can't handle this...that's too vile" This was a genuine happening in our first year, on a date to McDonalds, that seriously made me question my choice of life partner. No joke.
He, on the other hand, found this hilarious. I digress.

Secondly, despite appearing to the outside world as the perfect couple *chortles*, we are not. I think admiting that you are not and knowing you may need help in some areas or even counselling is a brave thing to do and means that you are totally and whole-heartedly dedicated to each other. We have done and it means we have learnt some things through the struggle. Marriage is afterall, beautiful, and is worth protecting with all you have.

I have chosen 5 myths that I come across/read about/hear about and each one of them makes me stop in my tracks and think (or usually say) 'What?!.....Naaaaaaaaaah!' Here goes:

1) There is only one partner for you on the whole planet and if you dont find them then you are screwed

I dont believe so. Some Christians would disagree with me. Yes, I do believe that we need to be guided by the Spirit to have our eyes open to the right person for us but I think that right person can be a number of people (not all at once mind). I am inclined to believe God guides us away from mismatches rather than towards the single right one (though better if they are single!) I believe that God blesses your marriage and joins with you in your prayers to make the marriage beautiful. Of course there are things to look for in a partner, those things that get your heart racing and values that you must share for an easier ride in the future, however we have free will. We choose, and God blesses. God made us who he made us and he knew who we would be drawn to when he created us, so go with your God given flow!

2) Marriage is hard work

Yes, marriage can at times be hard. Yes, marriage sometimes requires effort that doesn't come naturally, work we may say. However, we need to be careful we don't go on about marriage being hard work or write articles and give advice to others, especially singles, comparing marriage to a job or to something that is anything other than a beautiful union of 2 souls that can bring the greatest earthly satifaction. Refering to my marriage as hard work or a struggle or strife in any way, in any context, is simply not healthy.

3) You're partner should be your best friend

No. Just no. Too much pressure! The notion of having a 'bestie' is something I am allergic to anyway but that's another post for another time.
Your partner cannot play all the roles that you need in your life and especially not all at once. My husband is fascinated by the thrills and spills of free energy and anything Tesla. I am not. I listen to him about what he is passionate about, however there are others who fulfil this role better than I do. Thank God there are others. He feels the same about me and my ramblings about home improvements and (constant) pregnancy facts. He doesn't get excited about 50% off at the second hand shop like me but I have other friends who do, and that's ok. I may not be able to talk to him about anything and everything but sometimes I dont want to. It's nice to have other friends. Don't put all your eggs in one basket! We sometimes expect too much from our partners. Life is more colourful with the different people that enter and leave it. What is unique about marriage is that, more than a best friend, you have a forever friend. Someone who knows you warts and all and still chooses to love you forever.

4) A happy marriage means you never argue

If you never argue I would suggest it's because you don't speak to each other. Or at least you don't speak enough. Or one of you speaks a lot and the other says 'yes dear' on repeat. Don't get offended now! And of course I don't mean we all have to have full blown shouty rows all the time (though they can sometimes secretly be a little fun), but some people argue quietly and that's still the same! The imortant thing is that you argue.....AND THEN work it out! Ok, I'm just keepin it real here y'all *said in a strong Texan drawl* so I hope you know what I am intending to say. Don't 'fight' but rather argue and work it out. Arguing means you are talking. Arguing means you are being open and honest with each other about real feelings and issues. Arguing means communication is alive. If the desire to connect is stronger than the desire to be right then you dont have to fear an argument. You will use it to your collective advantage. I suppose the term 'argument' has bad connotations for people and 'conflict' is probably better. My best, most honest, most healing, most beautifully raw and loving conversations with my husband have been after a conflict. We fixed it and moved on as better individuals and better team mates.
(aside - at the point of editing this post we had had a conflict and have now fixed it superbly. I feel like our relationship has moved up a notch and to a new level of intimacy. Yey for conflicts!)

5) Marriage is 50/50

Really? In what parallel universe and what sphere of consciousness? Marriage is NEVER 50/50. Marriage is of course equal. Men and women are equal. But there is never one time when it is 50/50. Allow me to explain. I stay home for the majority of the day and wash the dishes (numerous times), hoover (every day because, children), polish, cook dinner (sometimes 2 meals), wash, dry and sort clothes as well as other jobs that have to be done that day. Hubby comes home from work and eats. Then....relaxes, maybe taking his plate out to the kitchen. That's not 50/50! I'm not complaining. I know that in the area of housework we are 80/20. In the area of going out of the house to work we are 90/10. I believe a more adequate way to refer to marriage rather than 50/50 would be 100/100 .... I know mathmatically it doesnt work but bare with me. I need a husband 100%....not 50% and he needs a wife 100% not 50%. It's not a game of halves. It's not tit for tat. I cooked for you today so you cook for me tomorrow. I give my ALL. He does too. But even if he doesnt, I still do. When I don't, and feel rubbish and down, he still gives his ALL. 100%. Pretty intense, yeh. Also, very necessary. We cover each other's weaknesses and make up for them. That's what teams do. You work to your strength, not your percentage. You don't clock on and clock off. It's pretty much a 24/7 giving-all-you-have deal. It is worth it though, trust me.

So there we go. My two pence about myths of marriage. Did/do you believe any of them? I would love you to challenge me on anything I have said or give me some feedback. Get the conversation flowing! I will probably do a post on things that have helped me and things I have learnt about marriage in the future. Not because I am trying to pretend I know better than anyone else but because I struggled for a while and now I dont struggle so maybe someone else could benefit from my words.

I love you guys and I cant wait for you to read my next installment that I am working on already. Exciting!
For now, have a wonderful rest of your week and weekend!
Peace and Love xxx

3 Signs It's Time For You To Quit

So, loooong time no write it would seem.
Of course there have been reasons. Some too boring to write about and some too interesting to share...for now...

Since I last wrote we have found out we are expecting a baby! (I find that expression hilarious, as though you are really hoping it's a baby in there but you aren't quite sure haha...I expect it is a baby and not a lawn mower...we'll see!)

SPRING is here in Romania but it feels more like a UK summer because quite frankly spring lasts about 1.5 weeks here, which I just find to be rude because I LOVE spring. It's my favourite. People are mocking me for wearing sandles when it isn't officially summer. Well it is to me people IT IS TO ME!

Despite this subject being super intriguing, my post today is not about the length of spring.
I know. Disappointing.

My post today is based on recent events and revelations which I have found have marked me for life. Dramatic but true.

Here is my advice to you. Quit. Quitting is good. Quit whilst you still can. Quit whatever you are doing....IF....you are displaying any of these 3 signs:

1) It's Causing You More Harm Than Good

Ok, start with an obvious one, but think about it. I mean, I have lost count of the amount of times I have chosen in my spare time to watch trash TV rather than pick up a good book, or chosen chocolate cake over an apple. 
There is nothing wrong with chocolate cake and trashy TV (I know I get an amen from the exhausted parents out there) but really which is most beneficial? Which of these things matches my long term life goals and values?

Quite honestly, watching trashy TV makes me more angry (don't tell my husband I admitted that), and reading a book doesn't. Especially a book about my relationship with Jesus and how to get closer to fulfilling my dreams and plans. TV does not aid this goal.  

Being pregnant now I need to think about my unborn baby. Apples gooood. Chocolate cake....goood, but less so. A healthy baby and mummy is a long term goal and purpose so it is time for me to quit. Quit the short term 'needs' and address the long term goals. Fight for them if need be. 

2) You Cant Remember Your 'Why'

All of us have things that we have to do. Washing, cleaning, cooking may not be high up on our list of things we love and are passionate about doing but we know they are necessary. We know the 'why' is our children and our partners and ourselves being happy, healthy and taken care of.

I have recently decided to quit teaching English, a stable income, in order to open my schedule up for pursuing the hundreds of dreams I have floating around in my head! I probably could have done both for a while, but I forgot my why. Why was I teaching English? Money? I dont want that to be my sole reason. It was the only reason. I want to be passionate about what I do and not dread going to work.

If you have forgotten your why, either remember it and re-evaluate it, or quit! Jobs come and go and I would implore you to not waste your time doing something you hate. The world needs people like you and me with a fire in their soul that burns with passion for what they do!

So ask yourself, 'why?'

3) You Are Compromising Who You Are 

Oh wow, just never do this. From the bottom of my heart I beg you to never do this, ever. I did. We did. We stayed somewhere that did not represent us and our beliefs for a long time until finally we decided to be true to the calling God had upon our lives and who He had made us to be. 

The dynamics in our family has changed dramatically for the better and we are living true to who we are. Don't compromise. God made you who you are for a reason. We improve ourselves, yes. We highlight our character and our flaws but we never compromise who we are. Who God made us to be. Are you artistic? Be artistic. Are you a thinker? Think. Are you a writer? Write. Do you make a mean chicken pie? Cook. God made introverts, extroverts and intrextroverts (both, like me) and there really is no point in trying to change that. You will just be miserable and thats no fun for anyone.

As Dr Seuss says "Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!"

Here is what I suggest you do now:

• Watch this short video clip about willpower that will help you see how rather than having to say no to everything, the way to really quit is to say yes to the good and the positive in your life. I LOVE this video!

• Discover your purpose and write it down. Use these questions to help you which were taken from the book The Purpose Driven Life:

1. What is the centre of my life? (Worship)
2. What will be the character of my life? (Discipleship)
3. What will be the contribution of my life? (Service)
4. What will be the communication of my life? (Mission)
5. What will be the community of my life? (Fellowship)

Remember that quitting is not failing. It is taking control and knowing that you are making room for what really matters. Think of it as saying yes to your dreams rather than no to your temptations. 

Sometimes it is time to quit, and it can be the most eliberating thing you have ever done. 

What's stopping you?